Hi again, friends! Lindsey here… the girl doing ALL. THE. THINGS. Let’s jump back in where I left off – which was the part where I mentioned that I’ve been doing all the things in 2019, while also remaining sober. Here’s some background on what catalyzed my sobriety. As is common for new year resolutions, I wanted to up my health game and become the most optimal version of myself. Around the time that I was considering how to go about reaching that goal, I had taken notice of all the ways in which alcohol was deterring my growth and making me feel misaligned. While I never considered myself to have an actual alcohol problem (unless we’re going by the CDC’s guidelines), I did notice that whenever I engaged in drinking, it really altered my emotional state; sometimes in good ways and sometimes in bad ways. One positive outcome that I got out of drinking was that it made me an active player in social settings. It made me feel more spontaneous, relaxed, and engaged. Oddly enough, it made me feel more present. However, with those positives also came negatives. Since alcohol is a depressant, I recounted the numerous times my mood would take an abrupt turn. I’d quickly go from being fun, outgoing, and bubbly Lindsey, to a gloomy, past-focused, lamenting Lindsey at the drop of a hat. Additionally, because I was more spontaneous and relaxed, alcohol made me more likely to participate in things which I normally wouldn’t, like casual hookups and making commitments to things that I had no real interest in. This impulsivity also led me to do one of the most masochistic things a millennial can do to themselves – look at an ex’s social media. The last time I did so was on January 1st, and to my horror he had moved on… a mere 6 days after his last attempt at contacting me. For these reasons, on January 2nd, I vowed to a) stop drinking for a month, b) never look at my ex’s social media, and c) cultivate happiness in my life without a significant other (or as The Angry Therapist deems it, being “single on purpose”). Altogether, I knew that being sober was the next step for me in getting my head on straight and shifting my perspective after all the tribulations I’d been through in the past few years. Despite this knowing, one question lingered: how would I be successful at sobriety while remaining social? ESPECIALLY while attending all the music events that I go to?
Here’s how! First and foremost, I decided that I really wanted this. I started off full-steam ahead, rather than doing any dwindling. I just cut it all out and told everyone in my immediate social circle about my goal and the WHYs behind it. Heck, I even told strangers that offered to buy me drinks. The first couple of weeks were tough since I had a lot on my social calendar which resulted in me doing a lot of briefing about my sobriety. After all my peoples were informed, a month passed, and my desire to drink dissolved more and more. Amazingly, while dry I attended more music events (aka RAVES, ‘cause everything is a rave) than ever before… I saw Pleasurekraft, Lee Foss, Lee Reynolds, Bedouin, Behrouz, AC Slater, Destructo, and Maetrik at Spin Nightclub (all separate events). I also saw i_o at Bang Bang. Additionally, I made it out to Casbah to see DRAMA, and went to Soda Bar to catch Kikagaku Moyo and Little People! Originally, my goal was to make it through CRSSD Festival sober, but when that ended I found that I really was digging the lifestyle change and how I felt – and all the extra money that I had been saving was the cherry on top! So, I happily continued with my sobriety, making it through an engagement party, a bridal shower, San Diego’s Mustache Bash, and two weekends of Coachella on the wagon.
Here are my main takeaways from all of this:
- You’re gonna have some peeves. During my sobriety, I found that most belligerent people annoy the hell out of me (wild, right?!). As a generalization, they’re just sloppy and inconsiderate. There were many times where I thought to myself that I needed to drink just to deal with other people being drunk! This was especially true at music events since everything seems to be so oversaturated these days. In moments where I’d usually brush off a person invading my personal space, sobriety made me hyperaware of the tall bros (Helloooo CRSSD Fest) that would drunkenly congregate and sway back and forth directly in front of me. Sometimes hitting me with their arms! No amount of side-eye and seething can get rid of them. They’re everywhere. So, I just learned to roll with the punches, literally.
- You’re gonna have some lows. At some point, you’re bound to feel like the grandma of your social group. I encountered this feeling often. While my friends were being outgoing and chipper, I’d find myself being reserved and feeling indifferent. When my friends wanted to continue partying, I’d find myself thinking about all the snacks that I could eat at home! Another grandma gripe I had was that I was more conscious of the incoming wave of EDM event attendees – ripe 21-year-old music enthusiasts out and about at all my local haunts, leaving me feeling like yesterday’s used napkin. Coachella was the apex of this feeling for me, since I camped and attended the festival with a group of young staff members that seemed to have never-ending energy reserves and a vast partying bandwidth. When I first met the lively crew I got this sense that I wouldn’t fit in since I’m almost a decade older than them and had decided to maintain sobriety for the foreseeable future… but to my surprise we all really hit it off! While I wasn’t partaking in any drinks or party favors, I was able to be present and even stayed up until 4am once. I’m not a regular grandma, I’m a cool grandma.
- You might become addicted to sugar. This is a common theme I’ve heard of occurring, and it certainly didn’t pass me by. Since I already had a colossal affinity for sweets, the sugar intake I’d usually get from alcohol was now being attained through my latest addiction – dark chocolate. While I don’t think it’s great to be swapping out one addiction for another, I looked at this as the lesser of two evils. However, I’m now working on being much more mindful about sugar consumption. That damn dopamine release gets me every time!
- Despite the superficial drawbacks, sobriety brings so much good. Firstly, you’ll have exoneration from hangovers. Moreover, you’ll have more energy to do other activities as a result (which is why I was able to accomplish all the things!). Second, you’ll be more in control and aware of your true emotions and be able to get to the crux of them. On my end, this was one of the main draws since I felt I had a lot of mental disarray from my past that I wanted to clean up. Third, you’ll have a surefire way of knowing that actions you took were because of your own will rather than external motivators like peer pressure and the catalyzing affect that alcohol can have upon your behavior. Fourth, you won’t have amnesia about the music events you attend or the artists that you saw there. Lastly, you might see some extra zeros added to the total dollar amount you have in your bank account! The financial aspect is really appealing and even helped me to make a few upgrades in my life, like moving into a new apartment and getting a new phone. #TreatYourself
- Items to keep in your toolkit for sobriety success:
- Snacks and caffeine. While everyone around you is getting amped up on vices, you’re gonna need something to keep yourself going as well. You know that bathroom attendant with the lollipops and gum? Well, her offerings aren’t limited to only those rolling face! On more than one outing I purchased some sweets from the selection and it helped me to stave off my exhaustion. Caffeine is another option if you are going for the marathon rave, rather than the sprint.
- A great support system. Surround yourself with people that don’t pressure you or make you feel like an outsider for your choice! All my closest friends are extremely respectful and mindful about my decision, and don’t short me when it comes to inviting me out to social events. They understand that even though I’m not drinking, I still want to be included and enjoy their company! Having these types of friends in your court is immensely helpful for this endeavor.
- Remember your WHYs. Remind yourself of the positives that sobriety is bringing to your life!
Overall, raving sober is fun, if you will it! It’s all about your perspective – which is something I focused on heavily throughout the process. While my positive perspective did wane at some points, I was able to mentally steer back to my WHYs and reinforce my optimism with the help of my toolkit and a transformative retreat that happened at the end of March. For more details on perspective and that extremely empowering experience, stay tuned for Part 3 of All the Things.
Upcoming:
All the Things Pt 3 – The Shift
