Having an active lifestyle presents many opportunities for you to run into people from your past. During
an outing, you may run into old friends, old enemies, and even have the dreaded encounter with your ex. For myself, the past few months proved trying in this way… as many people from my past continued to pop up when I was out on the town – exes in particular. I chalked some of this up to my interesting social choices, but attributed most of these ex-encounters to the haunting Venus retrograde and my uncanny luck. Here’s what went down.
My first run-in happened in Ocean Beach; a community I used to live in with my ex-husband. On the heels of a serious break-up and a couple glasses of good red wine, I was feeling a bit impulsive, so my friend Lauren and I went to a local piercing parlor to get some new adornments. She got an ear piercing, and I got my other nostril pierced. The piercing experience in itself was a whirlwind, but as soon as I left the shop I caught a glimpse of my ex-husband walking around the Ocean Beach Farmer’s Market. To make matters even more awkward, he was with his new girlfriend (yay!) and her dog (double-yay!). In this scenario, I evaded contact because he was with a new partner, and because my last attempts at text messaging had me left on the discouraging and elusive read.
A week or so after this run-in with my ex-husband, I had another encounter. My friends and I were out in downtown San Diego to attend Emo Night at the House of Blues (see “A Decade After the Influence” for more details on Emo Night). The show was delayed so we went to a few local watering holes to kill time before we could enter the venue. The first off-beat bar that we went to seemed like a nice spot to get some cheap drinks, so we entered and waited for the bartender to take our orders. About 5 or so minutes after we got in, I get up to use the restroom. As I’m walking down the steps, I look up and there he is, my latest breakup. I could feel my blood pressure rise and I murmured an obscenity to myself. To make it even more tricky, he was walking to the bathroom himself. As we waited in line for the bathrooms I tried my best to hold my tongue, but the end of our relationship left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Rather than keep my mouth shut, I disconcertingly struck up a conversation about our past; which in hindsight, I would totally discourage.
The entire run-in left me feeling triggered, as us
millennials say.
My third encounter was much more pleasant. I was on a morning hike with my roommate (Serena) at Cowles Mountain. After we reached the summit, and were making our way down, Serena noticed a guy walking past that had some Vibram shoes on (the ones with the separated toes). I laughed and told her that Ben (my high school boyfriend) probably had a pair of his own. After talking about Ben for about half a minute, a runner starts coming up the mountain to pass us. Lo and behold, it is Ben! Since he and I are friends still, I stopped him as he passed to ask him if his ears were ringing. On top of the fact that he pretty much materialized as I was talking about him, I was also wearing a shirt of his.
The universe is wild, fam!
As evidenced by my experiences, what you decide to do in that chance meeting will hit you like a bolt of lightning. Your gut will dictate whether you decide to interact or run for the hills. These situations always introduce a bit of confusion. What should you do when your feelings and intuition are at odds? This dissonance between heart and head is something that I can truly attest to since I run into my exes a laughable amount. Therefore, as someone who has had way too many ex run-ins to count (some enjoyable and some not-so-much), I’d like to leave you with some suggestions on how to deal with the experience. So – what steps should you take during this anxiety-ridden situation?…
First things first; if they’re alone and you’re feeling amicable, acknowledge their presence with a nod or a “Hello” depending upon what you’re comfortable with. By taking the lead in this awkward moment you’re able to harness a little bit of power. However – If things were left on such bad terms that it’s best to pretend they’re not there… then do that, or remove yourself from the environment completely. Do what is best for you!
If you chose to stick around, you’ve either acknowledged their existence or you’re pretending that you’re wearing an invisibility cloak. In the case that you have acknowledged them and sparked up a conversation, remember to keep it brief. Going into details about the nitty gritty that went down in the relationship, or since then, is only going to dredge up feelings.
During the brief interaction try your best to remain calm, cool, collected, and confident. You got this! Don’t discuss old drama or new relationships – be humble and polite, then move on.
Also – avoid entering the interaction with the expectation of closure, as you may not get it. Keep in mind that they are your ex for a reason. If you haven’t already – you will move on, and you will be happy!
Once the conversation starts to fizzle, say your goodbyes and leave the vicinity (if possible). Lingering will only allow time for more emotions to dominate your logical outlook. Now that you’ve survived the encounter, talk it over with your closest friends! They’ll be able to keep you level-headed about the run-in and offer a safe space for you to vent about your feelings. Lastly, in the case that the event is particularly jarring to get over, I would then recommend that you listen to Tame Impala’s Currents album on repeat for a month (or a year).
