I kept the JUMP bike overnight in my friend Johnnie’s apartment so I could get an early start with no problems. I had packed a mini blue tooth speaker to play some music on my ride to see the world famous HOPE Art Wall. During my research prior to arriving in Austin I found out that it has been closed down to the public and will be sadly demolished sometime next year. This wall used to serve the community as an artistic vent. I took Lucy the Chihuahua for a walk while I grabbed coffee at a food truck along with some breakfast tacos. I love that cold air that you get up in the morning. We went back inside, I put my backpack together, it was around 7AM when I started my bike ride down Lamar Blvd. I put the Ramón Ayala back on the speaker to get my morning vibe right. All the construction workers, street sweepers, janitors, and short order cooks I saw appreciated real Tejano music.
When I arrived to the Hope Art wall it was perched on a hill with a castle along the back fence. A sea of colors and a college of pop culture images draped over cement walls that faced the street proudly. I could tell that this part of town was being abated with signs of construction on the streets and housing. Consequently part of this renovation I guess is getting rid that “ugly” graffiti. Usually the Hope Art was open to the public come legally paint with out any repercussions from the local governance. Since then it has closed down to be moved to another part of town to an upgraded facility. For the time being it is closed to the public with 10 foot fences and has a security guard who lives to bust kids trying to break in and get on last paint in before it all gets bulldozed. I spoke with the security guard briefly and went on my way. I rode my bike down Congress all the way till I saw the Capitol building. The black gates were open to the public and I rode my bike to the top of the hill to take a photo.
I came to see the confederate monument. Racism in America has a dark history but I like to deal with discomfort by taking it head on. Before I left to Austin I spoke with someone on the plane about the city and things I should see. I sat next to an African American woman that told me if I was writing an article about the real Austin I should take a picture of the statue that sits on the capital hill. The monument features five bronze figures representing the infantry, cavalry, artillery and Navy, Jefferson Davis is the centerpiece. The granite base lists Civil War battles and the names of 13 states that withdrew from the Union, 11 of which joined the Confederate States of America. I agree that this is part of our Nation’s history, should not be erased, but its placement on the law of Texas State Capital is a bit outrageous. I also feel that it should be the local Government’s call on whether it should be brought down, meaning it should be voted on by the public. It has been part of a long public debate that I am sure will not see no end.
Growing up Hispanic in this county there are two things that I would want my white friend’s to know.
- Kids know that racial bias and preferential treatment exist and when schools as well as sports teams exercise that bias, that damage can be extensive throughout that person’s life. Growing up in a racist environment breeds hate and emotional misunderstanding.
- Experiencing it in the workplace as an adult it has left me at times feeling lost as a human due to the fact that it undignified me in a way thats outside of my control.
As I stared at that statue and felt all of those same feelings but I knew it wasn’t my place to say whether it should be torn down or not. I believe that this statue is better suited for a museum but my outrage is not in control of local Texas Governances. I took a picture and rode my bike back to the apartment.
I fed the dog, ate some quick lunch and headed out to Black Swan Yoga Studio to center myself on this long overdue vacation. This last year has taken its toll, working in finance, getting sober, and starting this blog has been exhausting but its been such a fun year. I love yoga because it makes me present and grateful. I like hot classes because for me its more about staying in the room and weathering the storm mentally. This helps with my meditation practice and really aids me in times where I used to not keep my cool.
This was a really hard class in particular, after the full yoga breathing and flowing exercising the teacher led a 20-minute guided meditation. Once we got into it the sound bathe I got to the point where I only saw white and thought of nothing.
Once I got there I had a vision that came in weird parts. The first time something like this has ever happened to me.
First part I saw white then I opened my eyes (so I thought) and saw myself swimming in an ocean on what looked like another planet with my dad who’s been dead for 10 years. We swam and caught waves.
I blinked and then I saw wind blowing through trees forcefully, just hearing the chatter of the leaves.
Blink again.
The last part that stuck with me that I’ll never forget was seeing all my teachers, family members, councilors, throughout my life tell me the same sentence.
“Joaquin, you don’t need to prove anything to anyone”
One by one.
I opened my eyes and returned to reality and when I realized what I saw I exploded in tears. I was in a room with 50+ sweaty ass people.
Honestly changed my life.
I realized that all my suffering was because I chose to suffer. My inability to feel love was because I was not receptive to it. The only person I needed to prove anything to was myself. This came with months of my own yoga and meditative practice but this was the final exclamation point.
In life we can hit some rocky parts but we have to just keep going forward. Whatever helps you do that, I have the ultimate respect for if it’s generally positive. After all the inevitable tragedy in life its hard to press on, its inevitability at times can also be daunting as well. For me I used to live my life for other peoples approval and once I realized that a lot of that type of appeasement is hollow is when I found a hole in my purpose. Redefining my purpose was one of the biggest challenges of my adulthood but the journey has left me in a state of content that I have never felt before. The problem and irony is that for me is that state is always moving, so I in turn should move with it as well to find where I need to be. Traveling to Austin was a unique trip, I came for SXSW but ended up just riding my bike around living like a real local. Times like these are what make sitting in small office for over forty hours a week worth it.
