LIFESTYLEWith Love and Weirdness from Russia

Dear Reader,  You know when a trip doesn’t feel real? That’s how Russia was for me. Now that I am home and reflecting on my week in Moscow, I’m seeing that  it was one of the strangest weeks I’ve spent in a city. Considering that the whole trip was based around me transporting a Chihuahua from L.A. to Russia, I should have known that this trip would be one for the books. To elaborate more on...
Jade Carlson3 years ago1170317 min
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Dear Reader, 

You know when a trip doesn’t feel real? That’s how Russia was for me. Now that I am home and reflecting on my week in Moscow, I’m seeing that  it was one of the strangest weeks I’ve spent in a city. Considering that the whole trip was based around me transporting a Chihuahua from L.A. to Russia, I should have known that this trip would be one for the books. To elaborate more on that I’ll will start with why I was flying a Chihuahua across the world. One of my good friends who I made during my time living in L.A. flew back to Russia in October of 2017 to renew her visa and they kept delaying the process for her and she was unsure of when she would actually get it approved. She had another friend living in her apartment and taking care of her dog the whole time she was gone. She didn’t know how long the process was going to end up taking because it had already been postponed for so long. She decided to get rid of her apartment and offered to pay for my trip if I would transport her dog, Tara, to her… which of course I said yes to. Who is going to turn down a trip to Russia!? The days leading up to the trip felt like a distant dream. I was so nervous and excited and truly had no idea of what to expect. I remember taking a deep breath when I got out of the car at the airport running (on basically zero hours of sleep) saying to myself, “okay let’s fucking do this”. Going through customs on both ends with Tara was a lot simpler than I thought it would be. I was so jet-lagged and (shhh) still hungover from what was the BEST party I’ve ever been to (ego trips leather and lace party… I went to it the night prior) where I even had a friend question me at 4 a.m. on the dance floor, asking if I was capable of executing this adventure, but you guys know me…. I fully send it.

The reunion of Tara and her mama was so amazing. I was very happy to be able to reunite the two of them. I was so nauseous when I got out of the hour-long Uber ride to my friend’s brother’s house, that I immediately had to walk into this little area behind a building along a walking path to puke. We spent some time there, then got in another Uber towards our hotel, which was about another 45-minute ride. And then (at last!) we arrived at the Peking Hotel in the City Center, and I let myself settle in for the night before (little did I know, at the time) what was going to be a wild and fun ride. Here are some of the highlights from my trip.

Lenin’s Mausoleum

In the center of the city at the Red Square is Lenin’s Mausoleum. What happened inside this mausoleum was one of the most eerie experiences I’ve ever had. Vladimir Lenin died in 1924. He was a communist revolutionary and founder of the Soviet Union. Shortly after his death the country chose to preserve his corpse, and it is still on display today. It’s such a bizarre and eerie feeling walking into the building,  because there are Russian guards located in every crevice of the place. You can’t speak or have your hands in your pockets while you’re in the building. Upon entering, you walk down these granite and marble steps then come upon a red carpet that leads you around the glass coffin that the body is laying in. It’s almost hard to look at, and it sent shivers up my spine when I finally made full eye contact with the body. 


Tochka G (‘G Spot’)  

When we woke up on Valentine’s Morning we were trying to think of something fun to do for the day, and then my friend whom I was traveling with mentioned that there was a sex museum we could go to. Obviously I was interested, because it was something quirky and eccentric. When we first walked in, there is a very large throne made up of penises, and it’s honestly one of the best/most hilarious things I’ve ever seen. When you look around the room there are literally dicks and vaginas all over the place and an insane amount of sex toys from all time periods. 

After finishing the sex museum, we checked out the other “attractions” including a sex store, a mirror maze, a ribbon maze, a huge ball pit, and a haunted walk that scared the shit out of me because I didn’t know the people could touch you. We also went to a place where you could go and break dishes, which was very therapeutic, and there was an animal petting zoo full of the most mischievous little creatures. The foxes were adorable but they kept trying to eat your hand as you fed them, the ant eaters kept trying to steal everything from our pockets and were using our bodies as climbing posts. I got stabbed in the leg by the biggest bunny claw ever, and a monkey jerked itself off as he stared at me the whole time…. quite the experience haha. 

 

The Sanduny Bath House

I wasn’t completely sure what I was getting myself into when I walked into a Russian bath house. When we first got there I was blown away with how beautiful the building was. The architecture and granite and marble were breathtaking. It’s the oldest public bath house in Russia and was founded in 1808. You walk up this grand staircase to enter the actual bathhouse, and upon entering you immediately see the staff at the counter and naked women everywhere ranging from the ages of 10-80. You get a little area with a booth and a table where you undress and leave your clothes and items, and then proceed through another door that takes you into the actual sauna area. Sitting in the steam room was a very empowering moment in my life, just sitting there with 20 other naked women from all ages, shapes, and sizes. The bizarre part to me, was that you’re in a room butt-ass naked with all these ladies and you can lash each other and yourself with a wad of birch tree branches, also known as venik. It’s known to improve circulation, help with muscle pain, and cleanse the skin, among other things. 

Kuklachyov’s Cats Theatre

When I saw that Moscow had a theater based around cats, I couldn’t contain my excitement and knew I had to go. What I didn’t think about was that it was going to be in Russian and I wouldn’t understand anything. I still enjoyed every single second of it. The whole thing felt like a 90-minute acid trip. There are cat statues outside the building, the door handles are made out of cats, there are cat designs in the stone flooring, cats in the stained glass windows,  literally cats EVERYWHERE. 

From what I gathered, the story line was something about love and an evil witch trying to keep the lovers apart. I wish I could properly describe what in the madness was going on during that entire show but, like I said, it was like a 90-minute acid trip. There was Middle Eastern music playing and cats everywhere doing tricks and jumping on things, and then there were the disco balls. One was a disco ball statue with a bunch of cats, and the other disco ball was being carried around by a man that had a cat standing on top of it alongside these creepy witch-looking people. It was crazy.

 

There were plenty more memorable moments from this trip and I’m so thankful for the amazing time I had. I hope you enjoy the photos!

With Love and Weirdness from Russia

xoxo

Jade Carlson

One comment

  • Forex Review

    April 8, 2019 at 9:04 pm

    Storyline: James Bond 007 is on the search for a Russian decoding machine, known as Lektor. Bond needs to find this machine, before the evil SPECTRE organization discovers it first. Whilst being romantically linked with Russian girl, Tatiana Romanova, Bond sneaks his way around Istanbul, whilst each SPECTRE agent tries to pick him off, including the over powering Donald ‘Red’ Grant and ex-KGB agent Rosa Klebb who knows all the tricks in the books and even possesses an incredible poison tipped shoe!

    Reply

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